Home, home on the rails

No scroungers, slouchers, singers or strumpets

I think that was the intention with this very err.... charitable railway sign which I snapped on the outside of a church.


Admittedly it was a church with railway associations. Any guesses which one?

I'd love to see how sign writers of 1901 would deal people outstaying their welcome or various "undesireables" on the Tube today.


People wonder why I change on the Sadistic Line at Hammersmith station rather than at Baron's Court. But there's never a dull moment in the waiting room there, as it usually doubles up as either McDonalds or EasyHotel. Last night's sleeper would have actually had more space in the waiting room at Hammersmith Station than he would have in an EasyHotel commuter pod.

Take the following description of Stelios's orange rooms "found in the centre of international cities, targeting short-stay customers". Not much difference between that and a Tube waiting room really. Sheriff Ken - you're missing some valuable revenue here.

Next Stop Ikea Way

Sponsored Tube Map?


The Tube's lawyers got all in a kerfuffle about the "Sponsored Tube Map" with companies replacing station names, but it looks like the flatpack Kings IKEA have managed to get onto a TfL map.

The webmaster of Croydon Tramlink's unofficial site said "The latest Tramlink route maps show Ampere Way as IKEA Ampere Way. It now seems likely that the stop will be formally renamed IKEA Ampere Way, probably with some kind of IKEA branding. This issue seemed to arise again from when it was originally rejected by TfL when the system was built as no stop should be named after a commercial enterprise. However, with Centrale being named as such, IKEA appeared to approach TCL/TfL again. Nothing official has yet been announced. However, with it on the route map, it is useful for passengers. Enquiries as to which tram goes to IKEA and which stop to use must be in the top 10 most frequently asked questions that I get asked both online, and while travelling on Tramlink."

Does this mean that Neasden might be renamed "IKEAden" or that we'll see "Ikea Hale" appearing on the Victoria Line?

A whole new meaning to the BakerLOO line

With friends like these


Ahhh, what jolly japes some people get up to. Mike played a trick on one of his mates "He'd fallen asleep, and I used the government-recommended bottle of water to give the impression he'd wet himself. He wasn't impressed, but everyone else thought it was funny."

I've cropped the picture to try to spare Mike's mate as much embarrassment as possible but I do like the look of the woman reading the Haruki Murakami book next to him.

I'm possibly the world's worst culprit for falling asleep on the Tube, but luckily I live near the end of the end so if I ever miss my stop, it's fairly easy to get back home. There are a number of urban myths knocking around about people falling asleep. and people's reaction.

My favourits is an old lady who fell asleep on the Metropolitan Line and was sleepily woken up by the driver. "Is this Aldgate East?" she asked. "Nah love", the driver replied "It's All get out".

Have you ever had to wake anyone at the end of a line? How did they take it?

Not on the London Underground

More Tube Roundels in unlikely places

Off to send TfL's lawyers in another frenzied tour of tracking down (more than likely" unauthorised uses of the London Underground roundel.

We start off in Melbourne where Agent Fare Evader spotted the following sign for a newsagent at a shopping centre


Regular commenter Dmitri remembered that he'd seen a sign for the Tube in Luxembourg


However, the weirdest came from Ellen F who spotted this advert on the Hauptbahnhof U-Bahn (central station underground station) in Hamburg.


My German is rubbish but it seems to be something about some adult cinema. It certainly would have looked good against the next advert. Mike from Toronto saw this in Dehli, and although it's not another roundel it's a clearly "borrowed" from the Tube's map design


If you want to see the station names click on the image to err, enlarge. I can just about make out some saucy Carry On names such as Mile High Airport, Threeway Junction, Lower Grind, Seemore Street, Spanky End and Moor Wood. They must have had a lot of fun in the creative department of that agency.

Keep those sightings coming in and I'll add to the collection.

Subway smells map

What's the smelliest station on the London Underground?

We sooooo, need one of these for the Tube. Thanks to Mike, I learnt that the guys from Gawker.com had put together a Google Map where people can report on the smells of a New York subway station:


"Created from reports sent in by Gawker readers, the map displays particular smells -- horrific and sublime -- encountered throughout New York's subway stations. Mouse over any station to see the station name, subway lines, and types of smells to be found there. Click on any station for a popup with actual reader smell reports."

The key is particularly expressive and American spelling aside, covers a lot of the smells you'll find on the Tube.

Everytime I go onto the East London Line I think it smells like a toilet. I check the seats and it's not because some undesireable has been using it for that very purpose. Maybe it's something to do with the age of the line or the remnants of the Thames Tunnel, but I can't wait to get off it.

It's interesting that the New York Subway has "perfume" as one of the smells as you may know that the Tube trialled exposing commuters to a perfume called "Madeleine" at St James's Park, Euston and Piccadilly Circus stations (presumably they needed it).

The fragrance was "a fresh, watery floral bouquet of rose and jasmine combined with citrus top notes. Tiny touches of fruit and herbs give way to strong woody accents and a hint of sweetness in the base." and was said to counteract the "interesting collection of odours in stations, reflecting all aspects of London life, some nice, some not so nice."

It was withdrawn after a day as it made passengers feel sick. So perhaps we prefer the smells of London life, old sweaty socks and all.

Do you have any contenders for smelly stations? And if so, what do they smell like?