Another Spoof Tube Site & more Wapping Shafts

Alternative London Underground Travel News

KJ sent me a link to this excellent site - Not the Underground - which features some travel updates which you could almost see on the Tube's website but not quite. You're invited to send in some of your own. Here are some of my favourites:

"We apologise for the slow train on the Central line at West Acton but we have had reports of a cow on the line and we need to sneak up on it quietly if we want to get it for dinner."

"I'm proud to announce the Bakerloo line has been voted the line of the brownest colour for the 3rd year running."

"Although we can't speak on behalf of the Overland we'd like to clarify that if you are a Womble at Wimbeldon Station you cannot go 'Underground, Overground, Wombling Free'. All passengers on the Underground must pay for a ticket and that includes Wombles."

Plus I'm still collecting actual funny overheard London Underground announcements which have been on www.goingunderground.net since 1999.

Wapping Tunnel Tour to celebrate Brunel's 200th Birthday

This weekend Isambard Kingdom Brunel would have been 200 years old and you can celebrate this by going on a tour of his dad's tunnels underneath the Thames between Wapping and Rotherhithe Tube stations. The brilliant curator of Brunel Museum, Robert Hulse, will be running innuendo ridden tours for a fiver.

"To mark the historic occasion the museum is also launching a new book by Harold Bagust.

The author will be on hand to talk about the publication, a new biography of Sir Marc Brunel called 'The Greater Genius?' and to sign copies between 1pm and 2pm on both Saturday and Sunday.

The book tells the story of Isambard's father who was also a revered engineer, from his origins in France and escape from the French Revolution, through to successes which saw him linked to many of the greatest engineers and influential people of the time."

To book visit the museum website.

London Underground Security

Meet the Opinionmeter

Coming home from work last week, I noticed the snappily named "Opinionmeter" at Leicester Square, which is a large machine where you can tap in your opinion about the personal security at the station, as part of a "Secure Stations Scheme".


In theory this is quite a good idea, as you get a quick say as to whether it's - Very Good, Fairly Good, Neither Good nor poor, Fairly Poor, Very Poor or you can even say if you have no opinion. You then have to say whether you are male or female as presumably what sex you are my have an effect on how "secure" or not you you feel you are.

I feel fairly secure at the station, but that's because I use it every day and travel through it quite quickly. Also as it's one of the busiest stations in London, I even feel OK travelling through it very late at night. This is more than can be said about some stations in East London, or even stations that I don't feel that familiar with when travelling late at night.

Some corridors feel eerie and weird late at night as you can walk for a while without seeing anyone at all and never knowing who might be around the corner.


The corridor to the Waterloo & City Line from Bank is going to look like this until September now, but it felt strange to see it so empty.

I wonder how many other Opinionmeters there are around the Tube and whether they are just related to safety or not? I'd quite like to see one for the Northern Line in general. How do you rate the Northern Line? Is it Very Pants, Fairly Pants, Neither Fair nor Good, Fairly Rubbish, Very Rubbish or not worth the Opinionmeter's time?

Blogging Demystified

Also a quick thanks to Londonist for letting me rattle on about blogging last night at the Apple Store Event - Blogging Demystified with Random Tom Reynolds and the girls from Inky Circus (sadly Tom Coates was too ill to join us). My thoughts before the event are summarised here, and fortunately after the event & the warm welcome, I think I managed to make some sense. Thanks muchly if you came along, it was cool to see friendly faces like Neil and Version-3-point-1 in the audience and very nice to meet other visitors that I'd never before including Sole who was pleased to see I wasn't that nerdy looking or wearing a metallic anorak!

Mind the Gap or Sign Malfunction Photos

A photo interlude

Some photos for you. Firstly this was found while I was playing Mornington Crescent on Flickr (much more fun than the normal game, but you need a good set of pictures)


This fab picture is by Darius and Downey Jones and Akira Kev bought the print at Santa's Ghetto (top name!) I seem to remember others like this and London Underground staff spent forever getting the giant spoof roundels and signs off the seats!

Now, two non Tube but railway related pictures. Here's one sent to me from regular contributor & London Underground Fashion Victim commenter Mags. This would be a good one for fans of Private Eye's Pseud's Corner


Mags said "The whole thing read 'last 2 coaches calling at: PSEUDO'." If anyone knows where Pseudo is we'd love to hear.

The next is a great one sent to me by an old work colleague Lou and we're not sure if it's a warning or a saucy invitation!


If anyone else sees any railway or Tube sign malfunctions please don't hesitate to send them my way!

Delays on the Northern Line......

Because one of our staff is missing

If I'm late for work this morning it's because there were delays on the Northern Line this morning due to a missing staff member. Staff were searching for a "lost" colleague at Clapham South station today, (which for some reason caused disruption to the whole line) and in the end it turned out that he'd simply failed to clock in for work!

Only on the Northern Line!

Ken Livingstone is Boring

Sheriff Ken is boring on about Carla

No Ken hasn't been suspended again for likening an Evening Standard reporter to a Nazi or calling a US diplomat a "chiselling little crook". This time he started the £5m, 540-tonne boring machine "Carla", that will be used to connect the DLR's King George V station to Woolwich's town centre.

The Docklands Light Railway Woolwich Arsenal station is going to be beside the mainline station and is due to open in early 2009.

Ken said: "All over London we are starting to see the work starting on the massive investment programme in our public transport system, and the Woolwich Arsenal extension will be a vital new transport link that will regenerate the local area and play an important role during the 2012 London Olympic Games".

Here's what's planned for the area according to Transport for London's press release:

Improved transport links, connecting Woolwich to London City Airport in five minutes, Canary Wharf in 19 minutes, Stratford in 20 minutes, and Bank in 27 minutes. In the peak period, trains could leave every four minutes

Supporting the regeneration of Woolwich and the southern Royal Docks, through transport which can boost the creation of new jobs, homes, shops and leisure facilities along the route

Direct interchange with main line services on the North Kent line, the planned Greenwich Waterfront Transit scheme, over 100 bus routes, eight Underground lines and coach, taxi and riverboat services

And "here comes the science bit":

"Two tunnels will be bored to allow trains to run in both directions. The tunnelling will take 15 months to complete, during which time the boring machine will run at depths of up to 35m under the River Thames.

It will surface in Woolwich Arsenal in the Autumn before being removed and reinstalled at the launch chamber for its second crossing.

The tunnel boring machine (TBM) is six metres in diameter - as tall as a two-storey house.

The TBM will remove 104,000 cubic metres of material - enough to fill around 1,100 double-decker buses or 40 Olympic-sized swimming pools

The TBM and material removed will be transported via Thames' river barges, thus reducing the impact on London's roads, particularly those in the centre of Woolwich."

Ian Brown, Managing Director of TfL London Rail and Chairman of DLR, said: "With DLR passenger numbers forecast to increase from current levels of over 50 million to 80 million by 2009, the link will help accommodate demand and play a critical role in ongoing success."

In case you're wondering how the boring machine got its name. Apparently, the tradition in tunnelling projects is for the tunnelling machine to be given a woman's name and this one "was named after AMEC's site receptionist, Carla Murphy, whose name was drawn in a lottery".

That's a dubious honour (and also a funny way for the woman to have got her name in the first place). I'm not sure I would want my name to be associated with a large noisy boring thing, but I suppose we're lucky the receptionist wasn't called Chantelle!