Waterloo, finally facing my Waterloo....

And City Line

Look up there in the sky - it's not a bird, or a plane but a refurbed 92TS


Well it looks like the end is almost in sight. Eagle eyed version-3-point-one spotted the refurbished trains being carried from their make-over in Doncaster back to their rightful homes in London. So does this look as though the Waterloo & City Line will be on time for its re-opening in early September.


Version-3-point-one says "The work will be continuing next weekend, so if you want to catch some flying trains, make sure you don't miss them. Take the Jubilee Line exit out of Waterloo station and turn right out - Lower Marsh is signposted." The rest of her set of pictures can be seen here.

And that shot just above is the closest I want to get to seeing the underside or "belly of the beast" as she so nicely puts it.

Does anyone want to place bets on when it will actually open though? TfL are still hedging their bets with "early September". Metronet were being superbly optimistic by saying 1st September. whereas Wikipedia have plumped for the 4th September. Which will it be?

London Underground Fashion

The Ultimate Tube Fashion Victim

Back in London and looks like the heatwave is still on after a break in the temperatures while I was away. Many thanks to Ian for spotting a story about "conceptual artist" Liam Yeates late last week. He said "About a year ago I was getting fed up with travelling on the Tube and being hemmed in with someone's armpit in my face. I developed a suit to keep people away and get round the problems of travelling on the Tube."

There's an electric fan disguised as a briefcase to keep cool, but also other "Inspector Gadget" like items include some novel "seat savers" designed to ensure other passenger stay or at least don't use the seat next to him. These include the charming fake turd and a spoon dripping with plastic 'yoghurt'.

Mr Yeates claims to have received some positive reaction tot he suit after appearing on the DLR and the District Line last week. However a puzzled passer by said "Is he meant to be a superhero? Or has John Major influenced him? He used to wear grey pants over his trousers."

Yeates believes his suit is conceptual art, yet he's actually sponsored by Mobizines who carried out a survey to try to find ten commuter commandments (they produce magazines that can be downloaded onto mobile devices presumably a way to deal with a boring commute). One of the commandements definitely seem to echo Yeates' wish to keep well away from fellow Tube passengers - "Thou shalt never speak to fellow commuters unless completely necessary".

However, Yeates in convinced his suit is more than just a commercial gimick to remind people about commuter crush (as if we need reminding) "People who get p***ed off with conceptual art feel that because they don't understand it or they aren't involved in it. Most people don't understand conceptual art but it is still valid."

But is it really art or just a commercial gimmick? Would you engage Mr Yeates on the Tube with a conversation about how Hell is other people, or do you just think he's a bit of a nutter who raided a joke shop? If his suits seems a bit over the top, do you have any other personal tips on keeping your own bit of personal space on the Tube? Share them, please, as it looks like being another hot week.

Cockney Rhyming Slang Quiz results

And the winners are......

Sorry to a be a bit tardy with the results of this quiz where Tube station names can form the basis of Cockney Rhyming Slang. There were some great new ones of your own but I managed to stump you with how I devised "I don't give a Pinner".

More on that later. But inventiveness prizes to:

Michael Reeves "He's only gone and thrown 'is Theydons out of the pram!" (Theydon Bois - Toys)

I also liked Alan P's seasonal "My advice for this hot weather is to put a few beers in your Upminster Bridge (fridge) and sit in the garden until you are nice and Acton Town (brown)."

However no one managed to get the full maximum point score so all eligible names went into Neil's paperclip selector and the winner is the aptly named yaay!

So yaay wins Fimb's prize of the Cycle London bag and Alan P and Michael get something from my Tube goody bag.


Oh and "I don't give a Pinner" - it's obviously from "I don't give a toss" or rather "I don't give a moss" - Moss Lane - Moss Lane is a street in Pinner where incidentally Faye Tozer (which also sounds a bit like toss) is from. I'm amazed that none of you got it!

TV Style ads on the Tube

Archibold Montgomery Lowe's dream comes true

In 1914 Professor Archibold Montgomery Lowe, writing for Trains, Omninbuses and Trams predicted the following for the Tube. "In 1999 every station will have comfortable waiting rooms, and with all the trains, the news of the moment and perhaps a picture of the moment thrown on artistically illuminated screens" Well he's not there with the comfortable waiting rooms, but his prediction the illuminated poster screens is looking like becoming a reality.


TfL reported yesterday that Oxford Circus, Bond Street, Victoria, Kings Cross, Piccadilly Circus and Tottenham Court Road Tube stations are likely to be among the first on the network to be installed with new digital advertising screens.

"The new technology is part of an investment programme by Viacom Outdoor and will involve more than 31,000 non-digital ad sites being replaced with new slim-line poster frames.

New Cross-Track Projection technology will see moving ads featured at 24 stations. Designed to create a gallery of advertising at ticket halls, passageways and station platforms, the screens will transform passenger journeys with fast-moving TV-style advertising."

There was a segment on the "You and Yours" programme on Radio 4 a few weeks ago about advertising on the Tube. They talked about the LCD screens that you've may have seen on the Tottenham Court Road escaltors (which actually make me feel a bit dizzy) and apparently those trials have been successful.

A regular commenter had kindly recorded a snippet of this and downloaded into an MP3 which can be found here.

As much as I like ads, I'm personally not sure I want to see TV ads on Tube and it's interesting that the guy from Viacom thinks these are a great because they "talk to you and entice the user to look and stay and watch". I don't think I would find any ad so compelling that I would want to stay around and miss my train to watch it. However he also says that the ad spaces can be used to provide news items or film updates from the Tube themselves. I'm assuming there will be no sound on these ads as you'd be driven mad otherwise.

What do you think? Will you find them more compelling? Do you think that advertisers are going to be flocking to spend money on them? What sort of ads do you think could work well on them - if any?

Automated voices on the Underground

Does Sonya get on yer nerves?

A reporter from the Washington Post got in touch with me to say that the Metro in Washington appointed Randi Miller "record peppier messages warning customers to stand clear of doors or move to the center of trains". However, Miller is worried there will be a backlash to her continually repeated messages. Initially, she thought it would only be used when someone was blocking the door and she had no idea that the message would be continually repeated and thinks it is a bit excessive.

Emma Clark who is the voice of the Victoria, Bakerloo and Central Line also gets a bit tired of hearing her voice but being Miss Mind the Gap had it's moments. In an brilliant interview with b3ta she said: "You should have heard the multiplicity of ways they made me say 'Marylebone.' Mahree-lee-bone. M'ree-labbon. Mary Lob-on. It was bleeding hilarious." She also admitted that there were some spoof recordings to pass the time "Me and the producer did record some spoof announcements after the LU suits had left the session, purely for our own amusement. Stuff like: 'The man in the green coat is sitting in tramp's piss.' And 'Passengers are reminded that reading 'Captain Corelli's f**king Mandolin' is strictly prohibited.' "

I know that a number of drivers on the District Line turn off Sonya's repetitive messages announcing the next station or the current station, mainly because it lives up to the name and Gets on yer nerves. But should they really be doing this? What about poor old tourists who don't know where they are going?

The reporter had also asked me whether I thought that voices should reflect the lines, which is an idea I loved. I think a Victor Meldrew sounding voice would be perfect for the Northern Line. I believe that the London Underground once considered having celebrity voices as they do in the lifts at Covent Garden (as you probably know) they use Loyd Grossman whose loose mid-Atlantic vowels tell you to "Turn roight out of Covent Garden for my Favooooorite Museum - The London Transport Museum". I believe that Hugh Grant was also considered. Probably for Notting Hill - although that could be an urban myth! Aren't Joanna Lumley's dulcet tones also used somewhere on the Tube?

It's weird that we seem to have lost The Shouty Man though - who doom laden "Big Brother" voice used to bellow "Mind The Gap". There still is a particularly terrifying and echoey "Mind the Gap" at Bank though - presumably because the gap is so big and perhaps a woman's voice wouldn't convey the seriousness of the consequences if you ignored their warning.

What do you think of automated voices? Who's your favourite, or do you hate them all? Would you like to vote for them like the commuters in Washington? Do you think that the drivers or station assistants should make all announcements, as at least that keeps you reassured that the system is being operated by a real people?